Write a tabloid-style headline to describe your current situation.
Doctor to Cincinnati man: “Sadly, humans can’t actually hibernate.”
What are the contents of your pockets?
Blistex Lip Balm, jump-drive computer-memory thingy, wallet, dog treats, grocery bag.
With what candy were you obsessed as a child?
Runts. I seemed to be the only kid who liked the bananas, which made for consistent banana windfalls, no trades required. The best were the Runts that slid through Wonka quality control… not quite completely hardened, dissolving almost instantly once you got past the
hard shell. Glorious.
What was your very first job?
At our church, I worked in the office of the rectory. I composed the weekly church bulletin using a pre-PC word processor and giant binder of clip art. I also ate donuts with the old men who counted the donation envelopes every Sunday morning.
Working on Saturday evenings was the worst. The priests would go out to eat and be gone for hours. They loved to play the lottery, but since they would be out when the numbers were announced, part of my job was to sit through this awful Ohio Lottery TV show called “Cash
Explosion” in order to copy down the lottery numbers for when the priests returned.
What are the top three bookmarks in your web browser?
PSFK.com, Pandora.com, Dictionary.com.
Your name is the answer in a crossword puzzle. What’s the clue?
5-letters: Like the center of an apple, e.g.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Madonna. She defies all my other musical preferences. She also defies aging. And the guiltiest nugget of all? I own Madonna’s “Dick Tracy” soundtrack.
In the biopic of your life, what song should play over the opening credits?
Not so fast—thought I’d say “Madonna,” didn’t you? Cat Stevens—“On the Road to Find Out.”
What makes a good neighbor?
On windy garbage days, bins blow into the street. Good neighbors put them back in each other’s drives. Bonus points if there is snow and the neighbor strategically buries part of the bin to prevent further blowing.
For your dream dinner party, what five guests do invite and what do you serve?
My wife, my late Grandpa Corio (whom my wife never met), Julia Child, Bill Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres.
I’ll let my grandpa pick the menu and Julia can cook. I imagine he’d choose the following: wedding soup, giant antipasto salad, sausage, manicotti, cheese and bread, lots of red wine…finish with coffee and cannoli, fruit and nuts.
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